Hello! From Neet In Nature

Neet in Nature began as a way for me to pay closer attention...

It started with an instagram page. A place for me to document my time in nature without the judgement of other people on social media. As time progressed, I realised that this was the spark i'd been missing all along; silly old me forgot that nature is my happy place - and always has been.

Neet In Nature just stuck. My friends call me Neet, and I was always in nature, so it just works doesn't it? I'd always wanted to start some sort of platform, whether that be a blog or through my love of photography, tiktok videos, youtube - but I've never had the confidence to just go for it; always trying to fit into societal norms and making sure that I was in control of how people thought of me - OH what a cage it was, I nearly missed how desperately glum it was making me feel, but at the end of 2024, something shifted.

2024 was a big year for me. The majority of the year? Awful. One of the worst in my life, but equally one of the best. Contradicting right? Thing is, I left an abusive relationship in 2024, and whilst everything leading up to that point was utterly horrendous to say the least, leaving him and that toxic cycle behind was the start of something new (to quote Gabriella and Troy), and something beautiful. I must say prior to reading that this does involve the context of an abusive relationship, so a huge trigger warning before reading.

Now, I don't like to make the relationship part of my personality, but it's a vital part in my story, and the healing process is what's made me who I am today. The relationship was text book narcissistic abuse. First we had love bombing - the unhealed 22 year old empath I was back then had never met a man like it - was I dreaming? (yes), he was perfect! (no he wasn't), he wanted to travel (he didn't have a passport), he wanted to move out with me (he had no money), meet my family (he punched my dad) and told me I was beautiful every day! (that one was true). I fell for him hard and fast and didn't look back for 3.5 years. I put my heart and soul into that relationship, and lost my burning passion for anything in my life that didn't involve being with him.

I lost myself. I lost Neet. I lost that little girl with a sparkle in her eye and the deep rooted need to protect our planet. Not completely, she was always there deep down, but he pulled the wool over her eyes and made her his pet, she lived to serve him. When she became less useful to him, or stepped out of line, things would usually get heated, sometimes physical. The mental torture and loss of self I experienced was other-worldly, and in all honesty I still struggle to remember huge chunks of time between 2021-2024.

Moving to October 2024, AKA the new beginning. I was getting the silent treatment. I'd stepped WAY out of line for asking him if he was cheating on me (spoiler, he was). I spent the days following checking my phone every 5 seconds, double, triple, quadruple texting him 'babe please can we meet up and sort this, I can't live without you' and things of that nature. I unfortunately remember this day vividly. I got a snapchat from him, my heart rate was rapid, and I opened it with hopeful eyes thinking my relationship was going to be okay. What I read was far from okay - it was a message meant for another girl. To this day I don't know if he sent that message to me accidentally, or if it was some f*cked up way of toying with my head. Either way, it sent me into a spiral. Numerous calls to his number, some he answered, some he didn't. The ones he did answer I'd soon wish he didn't. Murmurs of him and his apprentice on site laughing down the phone, telling me i was fat, I was worthless, and I should just 'do it' (which we'll get onto in a second).

That was it. I was done. I raced home with tears streaming down my face and a pain in my chest I'd never felt before. It was like my entire world was crumbling from underneath me. How was I going to continue on living without him? At this point he was my entire identity, like Anita didn't exist without him. I got home, I went to our medicine cupboard and I 'did it'. I took about 10-15 pills before freezing and realising what I'd just done. After a hospital trip, talks with police, nurses, doctors and various domestic abuse and mental health teams, I was finally home, a shell of the girl he'd met back in 2021.

The following weeks were tough. I either felt numb or broken. I felt so conflicted with myself - was I stupid for still loving him? But then how can I love him and hate him? Maybe with some time away he'll realise he needs me and come back??? This was a daily thought process... until one day it wasn't.

People say that one day something just clicks, and that's exactly what happened to me. Life started to feel good again. One day at a time, piece by piece, me and my loved ones started putting me back together, fixing parts of me that we didn't break. Just weeks after I thought my life was over, Neet In Nature was born.

The healing process has by no means been sudden, or neat by any stretch of the imagination. Healing is messy. It's sitting with the pain, letting yourself cry, scream, be angry, be sad, be happy; sometimes simultaneously. Navigating life after abuse involves a lot of grief. You grieve the life you had, the life you wanted, you grieve the memories, the comfort and most of all, you grieve the version of you that you've lost in the process.

The process of healing has been found in my slow mornings, time spent alone, time spent in therapy, learning how to sit with myself and become comfortable with my own thoughts, which is where nature comes in. Nature was always part of who I am, my entire career has been shaped by it, but I forgot how much nature heals us.

Nature became a place where nothing was asked of me; I didn't have to explain myself or perform - I didn't have to be anything other than present. Whenever I travelled somewhere new I took a piece of the place with me (in an entirely spiritual sense). Every trip I made, whether it be to Pen Y Fan or Australia, I learned something new about myself. I watched animals and humans alike, interacting with their environment, navigating their worlds, seeing life through their eyes. Fully absorbed and present. I realised how disconnected I'd been in my own life, and that maybe the connection with nature was what i'd been craving all along.

Nature showed me the power of stillness, patience, and presence. It taught me that healing comes from opening yourself up to what already is. I learned to notice small wonders, feel gratitude for fleeting moments, and to honour the quiet lessons I'd learnt - the ones that only reveal themselves when you take the time to slow down. Seeing landscapes that stretched endlessly in front of me, skies that look like something you'd only see in a painting, creatures living fully in the moment, I feel blessed whenever I witness these things with my own two eyes; and step by step, trip by trip, I began to reclaim my life, just one mindful observation at a time. The healing process has opened up a new world for me; one full of self-awareness and spirituality. I've never been more in love with anyone in my life, and finally it's with someone who deserves it.

Since the relationship ended, I've travelled to countries like Australia, Mexico, Cyprus; I've taken trips to numerous beautiful spots in Wales to appreciate my culture and the country I'm from, I've jumped out of a plane for women's aid, scuba dived with bull sharks, signed up for a triathlon to help sick children, got a new job with a global company, pursued photography, started posting content, got my first pull up, started pole dancing (pause for breath here)... I take myself on solo dates, volunteer with wildlife rescues and dogs trust, I've made new (and amazing) friends, I've gone on dates with men again and regained confidence, learned to set boundaries - but most importantly I've learned to stop taking life so seriously and just be happy.

Neet In Nature is a journey, and one I'm so excited to be sharing with you.

Spring has Sprung